An Unread Message to My Nephew

It was drizzling out all day in the peaceful mist of the mountain rain where I was on the last day of my 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat.

While immersed in nature’s tranquil sound, a flash of thought crossed my mind.

I saw Alex, my eighteen-year-old nephew, who is now leaving for college somewhere far away and will only get further away from us. Of course, the college is reachable, but the idea of him slowly leaving his adolescence to step into adulthood is daunting, and out of reach.

As adults, we know what this means. We know this long, one-way, independent road well.

That was when we experienced ourselves moving through the world so rapidly in all aspects of life: physical, mental, psychological, and cognitive growth — relating and finding our place in the world.

We changed who we were and what we believed, made decisions, and interacted with the world around us for the first time outside of our parents’ nest.

My protective auntie instinct shot to the roof at the thought of this.

I thought of things I wanted to say the next time I would see him, and I wrote it down.

When Enter the Unknown

This was my unsent message, my love, sent through the wind and April rain from the hill of Kaminogo, Japan.

It said,

“Listen to me carefully, Alex. It’s important that you know this.”

“When I left Thailand in 1997, I was not yet eighteen and had no clue about life. I wish that someone had told me this before I boarded that plane to Australia, to the unknown world and the future that I would thrive alone.”

“I want you to know that I love you very much. Never forget that, even when your self-esteem says you’re not worthy of it, don’t listen to that crow.”

“Okay.” He would say.

“It takes hard work to build a life for yourself with no model whatsoever. You might think you’re able, but you’re not. You are in an adolescence stage of life, and that’s what adolescent human beings think.”

“When things get tricky, and you can’t figure it out, or you need to talk to someone, a listener, a helper, a safe place to cry; anything you need — I will always be there for you. Don’t you ever forget that.”

“There won’t be expectations of a parent. There won’t be hidden agendas or unwritten rules of social norms.”

“Just me. Loving you. No bullshit.”

“Okay., thank you.” He would say.

“You have to find the field, somewhere in this world, where you can locate yourself. And this field isn’t about transient things like a kick-ass career that brings you lots of money and a superficial circle of the network of people that may complement it. This part of life will change over time. It’s not who you truly are.”

—crickets.

“Who you truly are resides within you, and you have to find a way to connect to that ‘Self’ — not the clothing of it.

This Self is perpetual; it’s your profound Hero, your Bliss. It will guide you. It will save you from freefalling into the future with no guidance.”

“Find this deep sense of being present in doing what you must do to be yourself, and flow with it. Be aware of the moment, this flow state is where you need to be, and your Bliss will become your life.”

—more crickets.

“Please don’t think that because you’re now starting in a law school, means law will be your final fate carved in stone. Life will change, and it will keep changing because that’s the nature of life.”

“Nothing lasts forever, no matter how it feels today.”

Find Your Bliss and Follow It

“And when you’re lucky to experience it, stay there. At some point, it might try to slip away, but stay with it; there’s a much deeper sense of security in that than running the rat race of life. Especially now in a world that travels faster than light, by the time you get to where you think you want to be, it will change again.”

“Always remember to be true to your Self; your Soul, who you truly are. Try to connect to the center of this Bliss, and it will always be with you. Even in the darkest days, when you lose everything, you’ll still have your Bliss.”

“Now, go conquer life and find your place in the world. Take good care of yourself because you have a bright future ahead, and don’t screw the big ones up, you hear me?”

He may ask, “What are the big ones?”

“Failing a test or two, get your ass kicked, get your heart broken; are small. These are the ones you have to do often and do it better; that’s how you learn.”

“The big ones are getting yourself or others in an accident because you’re drunk and stupid, getting yourself or others injured, paralyzed, or dead. Hanging out with the wrong people who pull you downward spiral to destruction, or getting someone pregnant before you’re ready. Anything that will ground you forever to the life you won’t be proud of— they’re big because they’re irrevocable.”

“So, think very carefully before engaging yourself in any risky situation. If it can’t be undone when you screw up, try not to do that.”

“And remember, I’ll be your best friend forever if you let me.”

“Okay.” He would say. Except for this time, it would come with a big warm hug.

Until the day he reads this, the message will still be kept with me.

Thank you for spending time with me today.