Nose Dive to the Bottom of My Fear
In the wake of yet another darkest night of my soul, I wake up to the night terror of realizing…
“How did I let a whole year slip by?”
I hope it was just a dream, and tomorrow, I will still wake up to March 2024.
A lot has happened, yes, relocation and all.
But.
Life has turned the page, and now I’m settling here in Bali for four whole months, so long that even the most stubborn monsoon has left.
There are still twenty-seven unfinished drafts in my Draft section, a website that houses my essay collection that has had no update since ten months ago, and a fifty-thousand-word first draft of my book, which has been left cold in the forgotten drawer since December 2021.
And here, in the heat of the tropical island away from the wildest dream of winter in Japan, I still find myself frozen at my desk, in front of the screen, like I never left this place.
The place of fear.
Fear of not being enough — a delusional place we know doesn’t exit.
But I still turn up here every day for a magical thinking day like this. Like a terminally ill person hoping for a miracle cure.
What if today is a good enough day?
Thank you for walking me out of it by reading this.
