Then

Hello there, hoping life treats you kindly.

The cool breeze of autumn now swirls through the air, marking the end of the brutal summer heat and bringing with it a renewed sense of hope; even in the midst of the dead of the leaves.

This week we cover the theme of Existential Vacuum, the term coined by the Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor E. Frankl. In his book, "Man's Search for Meaning" published in 1946, draws on Frankl's experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps during World War II and his subsequent work as a psychiatrist. It's my go-to book for those days when the clouds are low and dark, and the sky wears a thick gloomy veil.

In this essay, I told a brief story of the time when I was trapped in the cycle of a routine and used it for redemption to heal the wounds of my past failures. It is characterized by a deep and pervasive feeling of inner emptiness, as if life lacks significance or purpose. This is the vacuum in which we experience a deep sense of emptiness, a lack of purpose, and a profound absence of meaning in our lives—a state of entrapment that many of us find ourselves in (without knowing it).

And next, Midlife Liminality Part 3 is finally out.

This is the narrative of my personal journey, where I struggled with the challenging task of separating "who I now feel I am" and "who I appeared to be– in my own eyes and in the eyes of others in the past". It is difficult to say goodbye to our glorious days, that's how I was trapped in the world of past achievements.

The idea is that as we go through the process of personal growth and inner development, our cognitive capacities will mature to higher levels, unlocking greater awareness, potential, and creative possibilities.

Dare to kill your darling, as there will always be a better one to flourish if you're willing to endure the hard work inside.

2 quotes that resonate with the vibes of the week

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”― Viktor E. Frankl

"It is a paradox of life that we do not begin to live until we begin to die." – Richard P. Cowan

1 self-reminder to meditate on

Your worth is not measured by your productivity. It has nothing to do with the state of your to-do list. True self-worth shouldn't be about how much you get done or how much you get paid for doing it.

Your actions and their underlying motivations should ideally align with a sense of authenticity that emanates from your own heart if you are fortunate enough to be able to view them from a spiritual perspective.

Unless of course, in the case of survival being the prime concern, then the why is to survive and that is a great thing.

You too have been there.

168 hours have slipped away, leaving our lives that much shorter, what have we accomplished, changed, or how have we expanded? Are we fortified in strength, adorned with newfound happiness, or graced with wisdom? These hours are our canvas—have we painted it with growth?

Hello there, hoping life treats you kindly.

I didn't get to the finishing line of Part 3 of the series: A Writing Journey of My Memoir I've been drafting the whole week. But please read Part 2 of it here before I post Part 3 next time.

This week, we (my husband and I) were hit hard by a wrecking ball of bad news.

Just a big gamble of chance that didn't turn out in the way we expected it to be after having been betting everything on it (time, energy, hopes, opportunities) for almost two years. He is swamped with disappointment, despair, anxiety, stress, and deep regret, as it was his decision to wait around for it despite faint warning voices in the background from me.

He made a decision to trust the judgment of a single person, and I did the same; I trusted his. It's true that we're both in this together, his decision and mine, lead both of us here in this despair but the impact of guilt he feels is far more. Hence, the entire week has been spent simultaneously comforting and challenging the wounded.

The main focus of this is, trying to help him put things in perspective. Asking brutally honest questions, stating the hard truth, to get down to the root cause of this distress. I'd sum up the situation he's been in (professionally) as walking on a tightrope that is suspended in the air a hundred meters above the ground– fear of height and out of breath, but still having to keep on walking. So, to say that he now needs to continue in this condition to nowhere and in uncertainty would put him in such distress.

Now the situation is consuming him. Everything he experiences feels and looks worse than it actually is, when in fact, it has been in this same way for a while from my point of view. When we see things with eyes that gleam with hope, it always looks bright and promising. But when in gloomy despair, everything looks like we're in the black-and-white silent movie from the late 19th century.

The situation isn't getting worse, but his ability to cope with it is. It feels like he's at the edge and about to fall because he has put all his hopes, strength, and energy into waiting in vain, and now all the resources are used up. I reminded him to focus on regenerating the good energy and hope again, and this is what he needs to prioritize right now in order to go on without damaging his mental well-being, health, and performance at work and at home– essentially, it eats him whole.

We can't go on in bad shape for much longer before we do more damage to ourselves than getting anywhere far.

So, stop. Step aside or above it. Stay afloat. Detach.

Reboost your energy first, and remind yourself that you are LARGER than this bad situation. Look at yourself from a position of power; the seat of the Higher Self.

I will choose him every time, with or without that dream job he lost. He is now reminded to choose himself first, over other things because he is larger than all of them. Of course, there will be hurdles to overcome, problems to be resolved, and difficult actions and decisions to make, but these are external.

How we respond to the situations is still entirely under our control. We still can make choices, can choose, can believe, and can feel better. This internal power stays with us.

Even if we have to wait in this less-than-ideal situation that spans the length of perpetual uncertainty, we still have each other and a great life ahead.

If things don't turn out this or that way, I'll still have a great life.

I believe in this, and this belief has picked me up from a fall countless times.

And still counting.

2 quotes that resonate with the vibes of the week.

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." – Jimmy Dean.

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." – Alexander Graham Bell

1 self-reminder to meditate on

Your performance at work is not your worth. Don't tie everything in your life to it

168 hours have slipped away, leaving our lives that much shorter, what have we accomplished, changed, or how have we expanded? Are we fortified in strength, adorned with newfound happiness, or graced with wisdom? These hours are our canvas—have we painted it with growth?

Hello there, hoping life treats you kindly.

First of all, please check out our new Glossary Page for an updated summary of what this blog is all about.

And watch the first video I took of Wallie; our dog, on the first day I met him in the unexpected event that brought us together by destiny.

And here's the focus theme of the past 168 hours.

When I was at the end of writing this post, Self-Sabotage: What Our Choices Say About Us, I first wrote a sentence, but then deleted it. Then I typed the second one instead, guessing it might be more grammatically correct.

But somehow it didn't sound right to me. Not wrong, but not as impactful as how my heart communicated to me. Then I looked at them both again and felt slightly different vibrations between these two sentences.

The first sentence was;

"Happy finding the person you knew you would become." And the second,

"Happy finding the person you want to become."

Both sentences are meaningful, however, they convey slightly different sentiments:

"Happy finding the person you knew you would become."

This sentence emphasizes a sense of self-awareness and pre-existing knowledge about who you are meant to be. It suggests a kind of inner knowing or intuition about your true self.

"Happy finding the person you want to become."

This sentence focuses on the aspiration of becoming someone specific. It conveys a sense of actively working towards a desired future self.

Clearly, the first one emphasizes a sense of self-discovery and alignment with your true self, the pre-existing, intuition-driven energy, while the second one emphasizes the journey of growth and transformation, the aspiration of what's not yet to come.

So, what does your gut tell you?

This is why I'm drawn to writing. The nuances of words that weave together have this ability to reach deep within, and connect us to dimensions and emotions I sometimes didn't know existed.

At times, it brings me to a place of divinity, so profound my eyes welled with tears. Peak experience at my desk under the control of my heart and hands, what could beat that?

What grief could be worse than to meet the person you wish you could have become, or see the possibility of a better life you could have lived; but at the end of your final days?

There will be no time left for you, no energy, no hope– not another chance or not a thing you can do to change, except to see death approaching while you breathe your last few breaths before they vanish into the thin air. FOREVER.

You are the history of your hopes and fears. Rewrite what you can TODAY with hopes– not fears, before reaching the end of the road where you find not a single change is possible.

But it still is, right now.

2 quotes that resonate with the vibes of the week.

“If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life.” – Abraham Maslow. Toward a Psychology of Being.

“Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.

1 self-reminder to meditate on

Have you ever felt the longing for someone you could admire? Be that person.

Ps. By the way, what's the true cost of living a life of mediocrity again? Die, and leave this life without having met this person.

168 hours have slipped away, leaving our lives that much shorter, what have we accomplished, changed, or how have we expanded? Are we fortified in strength, adorned with newfound happiness, or graced with wisdom? These hours are our canvas—have we painted it with growth?

Hello, hoping life treats you kindly.

This week, I'll begin with a question;

Have you been intentional about your choices?

Here's one of the essential steps toward living a life intentionally, and that is decluttering your space. Yes,– both your house and your head.

If you think bagging and throwing out the actual stuff is hard, wait till you feel the amount of the resurgence of suppressed emotions that comes after. This rings especially true when the things you're removing hold a very special and sentimental place in your heart.

The mourning of the past, the longing, and the letting go of it.

In order to get clarity on how you feel and move on, you need to really get intentional about what is essential right now, in this moment, at this point in life. Get really close to your heart, and ask yourself;

What does this clutter say about me? Mine is;

I'm sad.

I'm lonely.

I'm afraid to let go.

I'm insecure about myself.

I'm not enough.

Then tell yourself that you're ready to let go of that. I'm making peace with it by burying this part of me, for good.

Whatever space you're decluttering, when the emotion arises you need to acknowledge the feelings by letting them go through you in order to arrive at the point of equanimity– neutral, peace.

The same goes with the mental space; the old knowledge, old beliefs that are no longer valid, old thought patterns, or old feelings for someone. If it's no longer relevant or beneficial to your growth– let it go.

Amidst the process of overcoming challenges, discover the art of letting go of the past—whether it's seen as positive or negative, its ultimate nature remains uncertain. Someday, the struggles endured might find purpose and transform into life's blessings, as they often do when fully embraced as integral parts of who you are.

Embrace the discomforting emotions rather than resisting them. The more you resist, the more forcefully that energy is propelled shoving you back into your comfort zone.

Acceptance is the antidote to resistance; you can't accept something and resist it at the same time (not a rocket science concept to grasp).

Know your fear. Embrace it, and you'll overcome resistance.

You are the only obstacle that stands in your way. Always have been.

2 quotes that resonate with the vibes of the week.

"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering." – Friedrich Nietzsche.

"Most of us have two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands resistance." – Steven Pressfield.

1 self-reminder to meditate on

With every step I take to overcome resistance, my comfort zone is expanded.

Do I take the essential steps every day in the direction I intend to go?

Great change comes from small persisting actions.

Keep Going. Keep Growing.

Hope you all have a great weekend.

168 hours have slipped away, leaving our lives that much shorter, what have we accomplished, changed, or how have we expanded? Are we fortified in strength, adorned with newfound happiness, or graced with wisdom? These hours are our canvas—have we painted it with growth?

168 hours have slipped away, leaving our lives that much shorter, what have we accomplished, changed, or how have we expanded? Are we fortified in strength, adorned with newfound happiness, or graced with wisdom? These hours are our canvas—have we painted it with growth?

Following a series of thoughtful reflections on the course and direction for the Individual Star, came the clarity of the most critical step I need to focus my energy on which is, as the famous Stephen King notes, 'kill your darlings'.

Last year, the primary objective behind this work was simply to own my story and tell it with wholehearted honesty. Keep it real and simple.

But I've been doing quite the opposite.

I deviated from that objective for the reason we all know (if you have tried, or are still in this arena of self-actualizing), the fear. I'm still afraid to go all in and put myself out there to be seen.

RESET.

Hence from this week, the newsletter will start to scale down the amount of unintentional content. Up to this point, the intention of the work has been unclear nor established and didn't quite align with the intention I lay at the beginning of this journey. I was trying to achieve too many things (the hoarder is, the hoarder does– I'm working on fixing it), and I let it become unmeaningful.

Some shit needed to be realigned and remembered. And here comes the first step of acknowledging, accepting, and letting go of my idea of a perfect and powerful newsletter (but all too overwhelming and impossible to achieve at this stage)– the change in the newsletter's name to "168.2.1".

168 hours of our lives have passed, and here are the things that flourished.

2 quotes that resonate with the vibes of the week.

1 self-reminder to meditate on.

Then the revised structure of the blog posts and articles on this website will be based upon only three fundamental pillars, which are;

1. The Self. Will cover all the deep stuff about the world within, the Soul, the universe, human existence, and beyond.
2. The Midlife. Represents our current existence on Earth within this particular juncture of time and space. It's about discovering our true selves, expanding our perspectives, realizing our capabilities, and understanding the purpose of our existence, all with the aim of charting a course toward self-transcendence.
3. Self-Mastery. This involves intentionally cultivating and refining one's qualities for personal growth and development. It's essentially the practical aspect of self-development—digging into the core concepts to translate theory into sustainable actions.

The Short Stories, My Memoir section, and articles on current affairs will stay (and yes, I'm guilty of not posting enough of that)

Of course, all of them will still be grounded on my personal collections and reflections on meaningful materials I've been gathering in the process of embracing those three areas of life. Journals, planners, commonplace books, and other creative works among them, you'll see them all.

The complete summary of the three will be finalized and presented on the permanent page under the new navigation menu which I haven't come around to yet. Bear with me, next week it will be up and running.

Here I am, showing up and trying again, with or without an audience. The important thing is I do what I value, I walk my talk, and resistance will not defeat me. This is what I need to do to move toward the person I want to become, and I'm sticking to it with the utmost faith in myself.

Can't just keep numbing the pain and hope to feel the joy– just won't work that way. Yeah, embrace the uncomfortable feeling, feel it while maintaining the state of equanimity, and let it go through you in the direction you want this energy to go.

Go there. Intentionally.

2 quotes that resonate with the vibes of the week.

"Aim at something. Discipline yourself. Or suffer the consequence. And what is that consequence? All the suffering of life, with none of the meaning. Is there a better description of hell?" –Jordan Peterson.

"Nothing has transformed my life more than realizing that it's a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness by weighing the reaction of the people in the stands." – Brené Brown.

1 self-reminder to meditate on

Today, I'm done with performing perfection.

I am authentic and true to my feelings.

Imperfection is a gift.

Happy creating.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you subscribed to my weekly 168.2.1 newsletter. Every Friday I share with you the theme that's been on my mind in the past 168 hours, 2 quotes that resonate with the vibes of the week, and 1 self-reminder to meditate on.

168 hours have passed. Our lives are 168 hours shorter, what have we done, changed, or achieved? In what way did we grow? Stronger? Happier? Or Wiser?

"Tomorrow morning by some stroke of magic every dazed and benighted soul woke up with the power to take the first step toward pursuing his or her dreams, every shrink in the directory would be out of business." – Steven Pressfield, The War of Art.

The message here is anything worth achieving never comes easy.

The Individual Star, my ride or die; is the work I pour my faith in with unwavering dedication (both thoughts and actions), in the past twelve months. It's not just something about investing my hope and fear in showing my work through personal memories and reflections to the world, it's also an unshakable commitment in my everyday energy and time. To say the least, it is the main reason for my existence, to develop, document, and share the meaningful process of my individuation with the world.

5 themes I immersed in this week.

1. Happy birthday to The Individual Star 🌟And a big hug to you who are reading this. Thank you for your effort and trust that this is not a waste of your time.
2. Speaking of thriving, the Midlife Liminality Series Part 2 is up. Check it out if you're interested in how much fun can approaching the unknown state of life be, in case it will inspire you to embrace the uncomfortable feelings of change instead of eschewing it.
3. I have been working on reviving my commonplace notebooks and strategizing my 2024 productivity system (yes, a revised version of what is already working pretty damn well now). All of this at the same time as well as the other responsibilities I'm committing myself to it, what does this say apart from "I'm not enough"? My typical hoarder self has made her way back strong, and this means I need to slow down on the overwhelming tasks and to-do list and be intentional about how I spend my energy.
4. I will need to take some time off to focus on re-focusing the purpose of why am I starting this journey. Each week, I've been burning it from both ends aiming at five articles with almost a thousand words newsletters, who am I kidding?
   It's hard to keep this from sounding like a blog, but the prose is now slowly flowing that way. Articles! Serious and important journalism only! I am in urgent need to get my ducks in a row and remember my why. It's been a year since I made my declaration of intent on this website, it's never been the best time than now for a refresh.
5. Coming in with all these emotional ups and downs is the overwhelming information I've been binge-reading about the world's effect on climate change. Everything that's happening everywhere in the world now; the intense heatwaves, devasting rainfall, unusual floods, destructive powerful storms, and catastrophic wildfires. I have to stop myself from consuming bad news, what happened to the people and animals really broke my heart. It's time to reduce media consumption for a while.

2 of this week's theme quotes.

"It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting." – Paolo Coelho.

"Per aspera ad astra." To the stars through difficulties. – Seneca.

1 self-reminder.

Center your life around productive work that is meaningful and aligns with your purpose and core values. Focus your energy there.

Hope you all have a great week.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you subscribed to my weekly 168.5.2.1 newsletter. Every Monday I share with you what's been on my mind in the past 168 hours, 5 themes I immersed in this week, 2 theme quotes, and 1 self-reminder to meditate on.

168 hours have passed. Our lives are 168 hours shorter, what have we done, changed, or achieved? In what way did we grow? Stronger? Happier? Or Wiser?

I planned for this newsletter to be sort of an update, a weekly review of what's on in my world in the past 168 hours– hence the name. But it turned out the last time I posted this update was in week 19, and now? It's week 30.

One can only imagine what has happened to time, my life, and the stars. So much happening so quickly but it feels as if not much had changed.

5 themes I immersed in this week.

In fact, the only theme that swept me off my feet in these past few weeks was–

Disruption.

1. First, I went to a 10-day Vipassana meditation after a month's pause due to family duty. It took me a while before I could get back into the work momentum to begin my day-to-day life in the same manner again after almost two months of no proper work routine. I did write one article though after I got back from the meditation, in case you're considering going, read it here first so you'll find your first time less intimidating.
2. Then there was the uncertainty of the future regarding a career path that re-entered my life again, and it kept me waiting high and dry– yet again. I thought the opportunity might happen, I really did but I realized that if it was meant to happen, it would have happened already. I then came to a decision to stop waiting and come back to focus on my writing again.
   This disruption has caused me a great deal of my precious time and energy, but that's the price I had to pay for placing a high bet on trust– and trust alone. This took me a while to accept, sit with, and learn from it, and it brought me to one thing I always return to when shit like this happens. And that is, mental fortitude is the only thing that will get me out of the grave I dug for myself.
3. Then I went back home to Thailand for about a week. Reconnecting with some of my family members for the first time after the COVID rush in 2020, made me think of re-publish this article again. This is one of the first few articles I posted when I started on this website last year because it is the importance of the basics, the beginning point of getting to know who we are. I wrote it to reconfirm what I know, and hopefully, it will shed some light or bring your attention to the subject when you feel that the time to actualize your true Self has come. Read it here
4. On this trip, as I conversed with my forty-ish siblings and friends, a profound desire emerged within me. I felt so strongly that this was the time to begin compiling all of the knowledge and experiences I have gathered on the subject of guiding our souls through liminality. Midlife as we may have heard of, but not in the context of crisis. My hope is to present it in the context of the esteemed teaching of Depth Psychology by Carl Jung as readily comprehensible as possible to folks like ourselves who do not have a degree in psychology. Read it here
5. And of course, coming hand in hand with a long pause of being away from work is a disruption in the day-to-day routine. At times it feels almost like I have to start over again, learning how to schedule my day, and prioritizing what I need to do– all again! And here is the reminder I wrote for myself to master the art of showing up in the smallest way. Read it here

We need strength to push through while maintaining sanity, and to feel proud every time when we fight the force that pulls us down when the world gets bloody cloudy from outside in.

2 of this week's theme quotes.

"As we live our lives, we find ourselves confronted with a brute fact about how little we can know about our futures—just when it is most important to us that we do know. For many big life choices, we only learn what we need to know after we've done it, and we change ourselves in the process of doing it. I'll argue that, in the end, the best response to this situation is to choose based on whether we want to discover who we'll become." ― L.A. Paul, Transformative Experience.

“goal-directed self-imposed delay of gratification" is perhaps the essence of emotional self-regulation: the ability to deny impulse in the service of a goal, whether it be building a business, solving an algebraic equation, or pursuing the Stanley Cup. His finding underscores the role of emotional intelligence as a meta-ability, determining how well or how poorly people are able to use their other mental capacities.”― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence.

1 self-reminder.

If it's not a good day, at least, how much good can I get out of today?

And what do I need to do?

Well, do that.

Hope you all have a great week.

About this newsletter: You are receiving this email because you subscribed to my weekly 168.5.2.1 newsletter. Every Friday I share with you what's been on my mind in the past 168 hours, 5 themes I immersed in this week, 2 theme quotes, and 1 self-reminder to meditate on.

I've overcome the anxiety of having to save every space on the paper. Most of the time, I didn't need to– I'm just a hoarder.

I hoard things that nurture my insecurity of the, "I'm not enough" old days, and today I realized that the awareness fortress of the fact that I'm no longer back in that time, is cured and strong.

I don't need to stress over petty peeves like this. I have a choice now.

Even a small but significant discovery like this, counts.

✨Triumph.